Protecting Children

Know Warning Signs

Watch for behavioral and physical changes that may indicate sexual abuse. These include:

• regressive behaviors;
• changes in hygiene, appetite, speech, or sleep patterns;
• avoiding physical contact;
• knowledge and use of adult and sexual language; and
• bruising, swelling (especially genital), and bleeding.

Be Involved

By being actively involved in the life of your child, you will be able to know who they spend time with and identify any suspicious behavior, including individuals seeking or spending alone time with your child, the appearance of gifts, the emergence of an adult-child “friendship,” and taking opportunities to touch your child.

Create a Safe Environment

Establish a pattern of open communication and trust. Regularly discuss sensitive issues without shame, including issues about sexuality using proper terminology. Talk about consent and appropriate boundaries: what kind of touching appropriate and inappropriate, and what to do if someone does touch you inappropriately. Many offenders threaten children if they tell, so it is important to emphasize early on that they will never get in trouble for telling you something that someone does to them or for telling you a secret.

Protecting Yourself and Friends

General Advice

• Be aware of victim resources in your area.
• Avoid giving away too much information on social media and to strangers, including your location, address, or phone number.
• Use locks and carry personal safety items (e.g. pepper spray, etc.).
• Trust your instincts, and if someone makes you uncomfortable, avoid them and go somewhere you do feel safe.

Watch out for Inappropriate Behavior

This includes someone paying you excessive attention or affection, attempts to get you alone or to drink, and pushing boundaries that you have set.

When Away

• Stay aware and alert of your environment.
• Go places with trusted friends and establish safety procedures including letting each other know where you are, where you are going, and when you arrive.
• Have back-up plans prepared (including lies) to escape situations that may turn dangerous.
• Use code words or signals to escape uncomfortable situations and watch out for each other’s safety and well-being.
• Don’t leave drinks unattended, and don’t accept drinks from those you don’t trust.
• Know yourself and monitor your own behavior so that you can know when to avoid drinking or when you may have been drugged.

Predatory Behaviors Toward Children

Selecting a vulnerable victim

They look for distracted parents, broken homes, and exhausted parents. Gaining access to the child: They seeks opportunities to be near the child and excuses to strike up a conversation. They volunteer to spend time alone with children, including offers to babysit or go on trips.

Developing trust

They seek to give the child what they may not otherwise have, which usually includes attention, a sympathetic listener, or a friend with shared interests. They share stories, talk/text, and will give gifts. These kinds of adult-child relationships are very serious warning signs.

Pushing boundaries

These boundaries include both physical and social/emotional boundaries. They will look for opportunities to touch the child, innocently at first, including pats on the back and friendly hugs. They may also discuss or displays sexual images or stories until they can begin acting on them.

For example, a predator may see a bored child at the store and use the opportunity to strike up a conversation, discussing favorite superheroes or comics, and reach out to put their arm around the child. It is wise to avoid strangers who show unusual interest in your or another’s child.

Predator Behaviors Towards Adults

Short-Term

Excessive attention and charm: Predators often appear perfect; quick to flatter, they need to make you feel special. Be cautious of anyone paying you unusual attention.

Isolation and control: They cannot harm you if you are surrounded by friends and family looking out for you, so they are eager to get you alone. This often includes the use of drugs or alcohol and efforts to test your boundaries, including engaging in physical touch or making sexual comments, even after you’ve expressed discomfort.

Long-Term

Excessive attention and charm: Incredibly attentive, they willingly and generously devote energy to your needs, often giving gifts or other rewards. Emotional isolation often begins here (pointing out how others do not appreciate you or fail to make you a priority) as does a sexual relationship.

Isolation and Control: Once you’ve grown attached, they begin demanding more from you. This not only includes your time and attention, but also expectations of your mood and sexual behavior, and often as a double standard, expecting more from you than they give – they can be frustrated and upset, but you cannot. Pushing boundaries is common, and they are comfortable doing things you have asked them not to. Physical isolation follows emotional isolation, including discouraging or forbidding you to spend time with others and monitoring phone calls or text messages.

Pity: Long-term abusers rely on you staying with them. If you begin to draw away or refuse, they will begin to make you feel guilty for “abandoning them” – sulking, stalking, threatening suicide – and victims often feel compelled to stay to take care of them.

Adults

Children